Making Friends With The Changes In Our Life

"It is not impermanence that makes us suffer.

What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent

when they are not."

Thich Nhat Hanh

What is it about change that seems to cause so much fear and suffering in people? If you've lived long enough, you probably already know the truth that everything eventually changes; that nothing sticks around forever (no matter how hard we may try to hold on to what is changing). Have you noticed? Seasons come and go, relationships begin and end, jobs and places where we live are here and gone, and yet we try to deny this reality by clinging tightly to what is passing from our lives. Yet despite our exhausting efforts, everything changes anyway. If we are fortunate, we begin to see that; it is not what changes that causes our unhappiness, but the clinging and resistance to change. In this resistance, we create fear and anxiety, and cut ourselves off from the natural state of the Flow, which is always carrying us to exactly where we need to be right Now.

One of the practices we can engage in to make friends with the Truth of impermanence, is to relax and welcome whatever is changing, without trying to push it away. This allows us to clearly see that every transition we have ever gone through has brought, in it's wake, something new and fresh into our lives. For instance, the old dysfunctional relationship gives way to meeting the love of your life, or losing that soul-sucking job leads you to discover the most fulfilling work you have ever done. When we look back on the major changes we have gone through in our lives, we are bound to see that, no matter how stressful they may have been at the time, they eventually led us to a space of greater peace and fulfillment. Not only that, there is an even bigger gift that impermanence gives us; it reminds us on a daily basis that the people and circumstances in our lives are not here forever, and to wake up and appreciate them while they are happening, rather than waiting till they are long gone.

Constant change is a reality that pushes us to be present in the Here and Now and to actually SEE what is in front of us, and most importantly to be grateful for it, knowing it will one day pass away. We learn that, instead of grasping and desperately trying to hold on to what is bound to change, if we open our hands to let go of what is ending, we can receive the new gifts that are always flowing into our lives. In the acceptance and celebration of change, we move into the perfect Flow of the Tao, which is always carrying us to exactly where we need to be at each moment. In this flowing with WHAT IS, we find the joy that is only available in the present moment, the joy that is available in every changing circumstance, and the security of living in the reality of constant change.