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You Are The Love That You Seek

"There's no mistake about the person you're with; he or she is the perfect teacher for you.

People go to India to find a guru, but you don't have to: You're living with one.

Your partner will give you everything for your own freedom."

Byron Katie

With Valentine's Day upon us, there are many who still feel that Love can be found in someone, or something outside of themselves. Despite what every spiritual teacher has told us; that the love we long for is within us (as us), we still find ourselves falling under the spell that it can be found in that 'special relationship' with someone 'out there'. The songs we listen too, (which for the most part are either about finding someone or losing someone), the romantic movies that we watch; they all seem to reinforce this mistaken belief that we can find someone, or something that will fulfill us completely. A great question to ask ourselves on this Valentine's Day is this; 'Has that actually happened to you?' Have you yet found the perfect someone who brings you perfect fulfillment and happiness in every way? To anyone who is in a relationship, or has been through a relationship or marriage (or three), the answer is probably obvious; no one outside us can give us what we are not willing to give ourselves.

Many sages have said that the true purpose of 'romantic relationships' is to wake us up to the truth that we cannot find what we are looking for in another person. In fact, our greatest teachers are the people we are in relationship with, (whether romantic or not), because they show us - sometimes quite dramatically - where we need to change ourselves. In fact, the greatest catalyst for positive change in a relationship, according to Eckhart Tolle, is to stop criticizing your partner, and allow them to be as they are. This one simple practice can literally transform your relationships. Of course, we can find ourselves doing just the opposite; constantly nagging or giving unsolicited 'advice' to our loved ones, despite the fact that we haven't quite figured out how to be happy in our own lives. And this doesn't mean we stand by and allow someone to abuse us, but how much of what we find 'wrong' in our partner is actually just some petty judgment in our mind that really doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things?

When we start to look within through meditation, we begin to easily find the Love that we have been searching for our whole life, and in the process, we stop trying (in vain) to get that Love from anyone else, and instead, begin to effortlessly radiate it towards everyone we meet. As do this we also find, quite miraculously, that our relationships will begin to reflect the new-found depth of Love that we discover within, without our needing anyone, or anything to change at all. So, as you celebrate Valentine's Day this year, give your Loved one's the space to be, and watch how your relationships begin to transform before your very eyes. And the next time you find yourself thinking that, if only someone would change their behavior so that you can be happy, ask yourself what YOU need to change in yourself so that you can find that happiness where it actually lies - right within you.


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